This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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