perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
that is very illegal...i love you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
