you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize