Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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