your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
