I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
