You really coming over, don't trick.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
