My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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