If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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