I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
