watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
