Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
