You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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