I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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