Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
