Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
