I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
