she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
