i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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