I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
