I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
time to smoke my breakfast
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
