their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
