Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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