member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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