Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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