You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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