shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
