Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
