I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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