Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
