Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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