a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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