I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
