Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
