His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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