Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
