My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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