my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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