I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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