HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
