have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
