Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
