whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
