they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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