I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
