You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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