I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
