I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Buhtt sex?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
