Will you blow on my dice?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
