I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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