Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
