he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
