The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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