on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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