you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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