dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
