she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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