It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
