Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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