Welp...herpes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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