I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My penis needs a shock collar
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
