Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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