i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
