He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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