No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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