my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
