His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
