i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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